My husband and I, last night, had our first real parenting conversation in a very long time. Sure, we've made passing remarks and had kind of discussed his FMLA leave, but we hadn't really discussed anything beyond "I hope they're Jazz fans" or "Like it or not, they're playing with LEGOs". But last night, spurred by the arrival of our baby bath tub (a birthday gift from my doctorsister), we discussed bathing schedules. Whether to bathe them on the same night or different ones. This led to other things, including wondering what they'll look like--eyes, hair, heights. Will they look alike? (We highly, highly doubt that they are identical. But some siblings look more alike than others.) Like their daddy? Like me or my family?
(And frankly, this is part of where closed adoption sucks. Would it really matter to know if our children favor their dad's birthmom's dad? Well, no. But it would be fun to point out "his chin", "her ears". Trivial, yes. But when daydreaming about unborn children, it makes me a touch sad not to have a complete template to pick and choose from.)
I frequent http://www.ehd.org/. It's a scientific, awesome site that I stumbled upon when researching embryo development. It's a big week for Damien and Atticus. They can hear! Or at least, "hearing begins". Their inner ears are developed, their nerves are developed, but how well they can actually process at this point is unknown. Their eyelids are unfusing, and soon, if not already, they will be blinking. The layers and structures of the skin are complete.
And, with expert medical care, my boys stand a 40% chance of survival.
In theory.
Too much knowledge has made me familiar with "wimpy white male syndrome". Which basically states that, of all preemies, white males tend to fare the worst. Unless we're about to be breaking news (as any shock gasp baby/IVF mix-up would be), white males are what we're having. And Atticus is tiny.
So I'm trying not to think about it. I mean, having any chance at all is amazing, but with a greater chance at "no baby" than "babies", it's hard to rest easy. And even "babies" is a long, hard road, one whose outcome is not known at the beginning.
Instead I am feeling their ever-increasing kicks. And heatbutts. And squirming.
I just need to assume, from here on out, that I'll be taking my adorable boys Trick or Treating next year.
3 comments:
Thanks for the EHD link...I have never seen that website and I love it!
Just stay positive...you're going to be fine : )
Just put your hand on your belly and send warm growing thoughts to your "wimpy white males" and tell them to GROW, DAMMIT!
Let you be the 40%. Those are good odds, in the IF world. I was supposed to have a 10% chance of conceiving. So there!
Just keep hanging in there, boys :)
We always bathed ours on the same night. When they were newborns they HATED to be bathed, so there was a lot of screaming and wailing, and I really wanted to get it over with in one night. As soon as they were old enough, they were bathed together in the tub. At almost 6 years old, they still ask to bathe together occasionally. They like to pee together too. Twin boys, you gotta love it :)
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