And the nursery blue.
I realize we have entered into the world of cliches. In our defense, our bedroom is also blue (though a very different shade), and blue is one of my favorite colors. We're going to do a sea theme, with the top being sailboats and clouds, and then a border, and then the bottom being under-the-sea stuff. Which means buying decals, as neither of us are talented in that way. We're then going to "theme" each boy, with one getting sailboat bedding and one getting fish or turtles or something. We figure it's not too baby-ish. We both love the ocean and are SCUBA divers. I used to sail (but don't anymore, because the sailing here in Utah is shit). We hope our boys grow to love the ocean too, so we can take many vacations and/or move.
Also, if you think I'm the one who spent all day putting up primer (covering the formerly red walls of "the office"), you haven't been following me closely. I spent the day puking while my husband did the work. I'm a lucky girl, that's for sure.
Thursday was my birthday, and while I'd hoped it would be the best one ever, it was not. I had an exam, and just...I'm getting very overwhelmed. I'm extremely tired all day every day, and I've been getting more and more uncomfortable. I'm also increasingly anxious that I'll be put on bed rest and won't be able to finish the semester. At this point, that would be mixed news. I feel like such a bum--I mean, women are supposed to work in the fields up to delivery, squat, and get right back up and back to work. And here I am, and I can barely manage 2 9-hour shifts a week at the hospital plus one day in class. I quit my job a few weeks ago (which was always the plan as they're a small business and don't provide FMLA, but I'd wanted to finish out the year), and it hasn't helped. I feel helpless and useless, two things I do not like feeling.
I'm nervous about my scan on Monday. With the news of healthy babies, and boys at that, I was able to ignore the whole placenta previa thing...but it's creeping back into my mind. I plan on having a serious talk with the MFM if it hasn't migrated. I've been having Braxton Hicks contractions fairly regularly whenever I'm on my feet. They're harmless at this point, but if I really do have complete previa, risking pre-term labor just to finish the last 7ish weeks of the semester seems fucking stupid.
I dunno.
I'm so lucky to be pregnant with healthy babies and to have such a wonderful husband. I know that this year will be miles above my last, so I'm trying to shake this funk. Any tips?
6 comments:
Your nursery sounds very nice. Strangely, I also had an underwater theme in my boys' room. We painted the walls a blueish green because it is a nice neutral that goes w either pink or blue accents. We purchased a swing and registered for a bouncer that were in an undersea theme. The colors are very soothing.
I worked a full 8 hour day, sometimes a 10 hour day, up until 26 weeks. After that my doctor told me to stop. It's fine to walk, sit, or stand...but you have to be able to mix it up, you aren't supposed to stay in any one spot too long. I walked every day, including the day the boys were born. Just try and listen to your body. If you feel tired, rest, if you feel 'twitchy' move, if your feet feel swollen, raise them up, if you get crampy, drink. And never doubt yourself. If you feel nervous about something, or you think one of the babies hasn't moved in a while, don't second guess yourself, trust your instincts.
I love the sound of your nursery! Such a great theme! So much fun and sounds so perfect for your family!!!
I would not feel like a "bum" in any way. I would entirely listen to your body and what you are feeling. And as a "veteran" of the grad school system (i.e.: I've been in school far too long): no matter what pressure there is in your program or even in your life... if your body and mind are telling you that you need the break, take it. I'm certain that your instructors/advisors will understand. And if they don't, forget them, because that means they haven't been through the things we in the AIM community have had to deal with. From everyone I've spoken to in this community, the conversation of stepping back for a semester or two (or even work) goes much better than planned.
Don't be afraid to ask or even advocate for what you need. Take the time you and your precious boys need to be healthy and happy. Nothing can take the place of that. Wishing you much health and happiness...
Cute nursery theme! :) And a high five to your husband...red is not a fun color to paint over! :) I think after you talk to the doctor about the previa, maybe you'll feel better? I'm all about not risking ANYTHING. As I am now not working, 13 weeks, and pregnant with only one. So, even though it would totally suck to not be able to finish out the semester, I think it might be worth it to call it quits for awhile. Especially if you're not feeling great. You can always go back and finish school, but your boys have their own agenda :)
The best advice I can give is to remind you that 1) YOU are the only one who can gestate these babies and 2) THIS is the only thing that truly can't wait.
School, work, obligations, chores can all wait. It wouldn't be convenient to be a semester behind in school, but it wouldn't be the end of the world.
Other people can come to your house and clean, do laundry, etc.
You are the only one who can take care of these babies while they are still in utero, and you have to do it now. Don't let anything else even enter into your head.
First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I hope it was a good one.
As for the funk, obviously I'm not pregnant, but I have had my experience with the funk. All I can recommend is relish good moments, and try to stop yourself by thinking of all of the positives when you catch yourself going down that path. Do stuff that takes your mind off of it when you can/feel like it. Even if it's something as simple as taking a walk, or browsing your favorite store.
I just want to encourage you to be gentle with yourself. I, too, felt bad that I was only raising my 2yo and writing a few books for my clients when other people somehow manage to work full-time while pregnant. I just don't see how anyone does that! And I was only carrying one person in my body :) You are doing the right thing in prioritizing your babies and your health. The rest of it will work itself out. Love the nursery theme, too!
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