An old, close friend of my husband told us a month or so that he and his wife were expecting twins, due in September. She lost them both the day before yesterday.
When the friend emailed this news to my husband (they know we're dealing with IF and had a miscarriage, but live out of state, so I don't know them well), it made my husband cry.
For like half an hour.
It was heartbreaking. I honestly cannot remember if he cried at our ultrasound or in the 2-3 days that follow. I assume he did (he's not a huge crier, but I've seen him cry a few times before), but I was too wrapped up in my own grief to remember. But seeing this...it was so sad. He just kept saying "I know how he feels, I know exactly how he feels". (While it's not exactly true, since they do already have 3 kids, have had no IF at all, but were much further along and had of course told everyone...) I just didn't even know what to say.
I guess sometimes I forget how hard this can be on him. He spends a lot of time comforting me over bad outcomes, and yes, he gets upset, but...never have I seen him so sad for so long, and so unable to contain it, compartmentalize it, get angry instead of sad.
I sometimes think I'm selfish for putting us through all of this, because I know being pregnant means more to me than it does to him. (He's adopted himself and would happily adopt, even though I don't think he fully understands what a home study entails). Seeing him so distraught over a miscarriage, obviously he was dealing with his emotions over our miscarriage...it just was so sad.
I hate infertility.
5 comments:
This is so sad on so many levels, I'm so sorry sweetie, for you and for your friends.
Infertility seriously sucks. I'm so sorry... nothing hurts me more than to see how my husband hurts through this. I don't think it's selfish... I think what you're doing is the ultimate act of love in your relationship. It's just so hard along the way. Thinking of you...
Oh how heartbreaking. It doesn't get much worse than seeing my husband upset. I am sorry. And I don't think you are selfish.
Really heartbreaking. I'm with gurlee, that seeing my husband upset or in pain is just about the worst thing ever. and unfortunately infertility has brought that experience into our home too many times these past years.
I'm sorry for your friends, and sorry also that it bring up so much of your own pain.
That's awful. I am so sorry for your friends.
At the same time it seems really healthy that your husband was able to release some sadness. Men seem to bottle all their IF feelings up and that can't be good for them.
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