BFN again today. I didn't test yesterday--I was running late and just didn't feel like it. I didn't want to see a negative, or, frankly, another damningly faint positive. I was done. Today was just a confirmation, so I don't feel guilty for not re-filling my estrogen prescription.
So. The Future.
We will be changing clinics. We have a free WTF appointment at our current clinic, so we'll go. But I've already spoken to the new clinic on the phone several times. In about a month, we'll be going there. We'll be getting all fresh testing and I'm going to ask for an SIS and some RPL (why not?) and thyroid (I've had it, but it was 2 years ago) testing as well. Our insurance might cover some of this.
We're considering a DNA frag test for him, or some karyotyping. But honestly, we're not sure. PGD is so very expensive, and I've read very mixed reviews in literature. (It seems healthy embryos are often mis-read, either due to sampling one abnormal cell, or to miscounting chromosomes--eg, saying it's a mono-17 and tri-18, when really it was normal.) So we probably won't pursue that.
We currently plan on doing one more fresh and all the frozens we get. Unless we get a loan, that will all be on our credit card. It's a bit nerve-wracking. If that fails, we'll see. We discussed donor sperm last night. Which is a whole post in and of itself, and one I want to write with as much thought and care as it deserves.
I'm doing ok with all this. I really didn't expect this cycle to work. I think it was a chemical, what with the disappearing-reappearing lines, especially since I'm not even spotting yet (and I'm on the same progesterone that I was for my last failed cycle, where I started spotting at 13DPO and had full flow at 15). Very unusual for me.
We're going to spend the summer focusing on getting healthy (I've gained about 30 lbs in the two years of TTC, and he hasn't fared any better) and enjoying each other. And then try again, in August.
11 comments:
I'm so sorry to hear this Marissa. My heart goes out to you and your husband. I hope the new clinic can give you some better answers and help you on your way to becoming parents. hugs.
I'm so incredibly sorry. My heart just breaks for you. I've been having such a hard time with our unsuccessful IVF, and I've not endured nearly what you have. I cannot imagine. Your plan sounds exactly like mine... I've gained about the same and I'm tired of feeling unwell and strung out on meds. I really hope your new clinic gives you the individualized care that you need and deserve. Hoping this all turns around for you very soon...
Ugh. :( sorry. I am just hoping the new clinic can give you real solid answers. The try try again thing pisses me off when the doctors aren't paying for the cycles.
I really do hope you can find yourselves again during the break. TTC is such an emotional drain.
Big big hugs Marissa. A break will do you some good, but I do know how it sucks to be forced to be on a break. I hate that there are no answers right now. Know we are here holding you up and holding your hope for you :-)
I'm so sorry, both about the failed cycle and the chemical pregnancy. I hope your new clinic can get you some answers.
On PGD -- the older method, FISH, had a lot of miscounting possibility. I too read a lot of the literature, in part because I did my grad work in a lab that did FISH. Newer methods, array CGH, are more accurate and comprehensive. We opted to include the array CGH of our embryos at literally the last minute, and although it was expensive ($6k to biopsy and test 13 blastocysts), it was a lot less expensive than the frozen embryo transfers it saved us. Our blastocysts were nearly all 5AA grade, so all very "pretty", but less than half (6/13) were chromosomally normal. I was 29 at ER, which is why our RE had been advising us against the PGD, but I'm so glad we pushed for it anyway.
With array CGH, the take home baby rate per normal embryo transferred is about 70%. The lowered chance of miscarriage with a chromosomally normal embryo made it worth it for us to cough up the $6k for testing.
Anyway, even if you don't do PGD (and there are lots of good reasons for not doing it -- if we'd had a smaller number of embryos to freeze we wouldn't have, either) I think a karyotype of you and your husband is a smart idea to rule out any balanced translocations, as is running all the other conceivable tests.
I'm amazed at how well you're handling this. You are seriously my hero.
Smores anyone?
I am sorry. As hard as it may be, taking a break to regroup may be a good idea. My current clinic sees little point in Pgd unless you have a known genetic issue that requires testing. It costs a lot of $ and does not increase success limits. Go figure. Take care of yourself. Sending you strength! Xoxo
Sorry this cycle doesn't seem to have worked out. We're in the same boat right now. I got a BFN on Wednesday and now just waiting for AF to show herself. We most likely won't be able to do anything until August the earliest.
Take care of yourself this summer and work on yourself. That's what I'm going to be doing!
Hey Marissa,
it sounds like you have a solid plan in place to move forward. Did you ever get a diagnosis for your husband - any reason for the sperm issues? We were in a slightly different situation with complete azoospermia, but among the first tests we had done were hormone and genetic testing for him. They were expensive and took about 4 weeks to wait for results, but it gave us what we thought was important information at the time.
if you have any questions about the choice to use ds or ever just want to talk, feel free to email me foxypopcorn at gmail.
We still ended up doing ivf ISCI after two unsuccessful ds iui's. When you add the cost of the ds, a medicated monitored iui cycle was costing us $3,000. Emotionally we were worn thin, and decided that we simply needed the best odds we could get.
anyways, big cheers for having a plan to follow. i am wishing the very best for you.
I'm so sorry. I'm in the same boat since we had an ectopic pregnancy I can't try again until August. Sending positive thoughts your way!
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