I test daily. This has its risks. I was aware of that. I still am. I'd rather know that not know. Especially when, when I actually made it to egg retrieval, I was walking on air. And when we got our fertilization report, I thought "Surely this is it". And when, on Day 3, all 12 of our embryos were alive and thriving, I was almost convinced. Sure, 2 arrested at Day Five, but whatever. We transferred two beauties. Subjectively, sure, but also objectively: AAs. And then half of my 8 remaining embryos made it to freeze, and my clinic has very strict freezing standards. So, doing the math...4 of my 8 last place embryos kick ass. Surely one of the two first place embryos we transfer ed would find a home inside me?
I'm beginning to think not. BFN after BFN. Still early, ok, but it is 10DPO. And not even the hint of a line. Plus, I've got a bad cold, and yesterday I ran a fever, despite my baby aspirin (started that before transfer), and then being cleared to take a Tylenol. I'm still not feeling very well. And I've got no symptoms. Not even the ones progesterone is supposed to give me. I'm just not feeling it.
Of course, I'll keep taking the aspirin and progesterone, keep testing daily, until my forever-away beta (12dp5dt, so next Thursday). But my hopes are low, my spirits are sagging, and I'd really like a hot bath. Which is a no no, so instead I'll just send "please nestle in, please don't give up" vibes to my embryos, for what it's worth.
10 comments:
I know it's hard not to get down, but keep sending positive thoughts to your little embryos- it could just be too early. I am praying for you!!
The wait sucks, but don't give up.
Hugs.
: ( I'm sure there are lots of ups and downs. Keep the hope. I'm waiting here with you!
Hang in there, girl! It's hard not to get discouraged. You've done everything you can.
We can do this!
It is so hard not to lose hope when going through the waiting...all that's left to do is over-analyze everything, and that's seldom a good thing. I'm sorry you're feeling discouraged. We're all here to the keep the hope with you, though.
It's waaaaaaay to early for a positive. Honest to goodness. I've only ever gotten a faint glimmer by Day 11, and mostly Day 12. (Okay, I know my pregnancies aren't anything to hope for but they started in the right way, sort of
!).
Don't count yourself out. I'm thinking good thoughts for you. Two double A's and a lovely number to freeze. Methinks that is some very nice embryo quality. Fingers firmly crossed for you.
Such great embryology results! yay for 4 beautiful embryos making it to freeze! everything looks promising so far. 5dp5dt is the worst limbo, hang in there! Fingers and toes are crossed for you! ICLW #190
I wouldn't start worrying yet, hon. It's too early! Hang in there..you'll get your positive!
I also think that it is a bit early, so hang in there. On my IF journey I met a lot of girls who had NO symptoms whatsoever and got their BFPs! So, chin up! Waiting for that BFP next Thursday!
ICLW #93
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you and sending vibes to your embies!
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