4w5d: As Dark As Dark Can Be

I told my husband I was going to stop testing about 4 days ago, because I was running out of tests, had opted out of the repeat beta, and just didn't see the point. To my surprise, he told me to order some more tests and keep at it.

The past 3 days have been as dark at the control line, and not getting any darker. They are as dark as my test from 6w3d last time (my last test until I tested post-miscarriage). They're done. I've read on the internet that the internet cheapies just don't get darker than the control line like the fancy schmancy tests do.

I'm ok with that. I'm ready to be done testing now--the only thing they can bring me is bad news.

I'm not as sick this time as last. Not quite sure what to make of that.

I just don't know. Of course, after my spotting freakout, my little sister (doctorsister) knows. I'm talking to her and my older sister (who is TTC--or already pregnant) again. I did dinner with my step-father. I'm still very angry at my mother, and increasingly angry at my step-brother and SIL. They haven't done anything new and that's just it exactly--I poured my heart out to my SIL, she told me she wanted to enjoy her pregnancy and hated that her family makes me unhappy, and I haven't heard anything from them since. It's the July birthdays soon, and I won't be going.

I'm so busy between work and school. I feel like I'm always 5 minutes behind. This is good, because I have hardly any time to fret over my pregnancy, but also exhausting. This isn't how I'll want to remember this pregnancy. I need to find a way somehow to slow down, at least inside.

I'm not making much sense today...