4w2d: Major Accomplishments

I feel like I have so much to say. I have a feeling this will be a long and rambling post. I will try to be coherent.

First, I got into my top-choice nursing school. This is awesome. I felt like my application was half-assed, since I procrastinated and was still in the throes of depression when completing it. But I got in. The program starts in mid-May. I need to accept or decline by March 11th. Which is before my first ultrasound. I plan on accepting, but I have to say, I don't quite know what to do. I need to look into their deferment rules. Or what happens if I have to take some time off. Especially if I have twins. This is all very, very good news of course. But it can seem a little overwhelming.

Like, I clicked on the "click here to see your status" link (yes, they told me over email) on Friday at about 5pm. I was overjoyed to see CONGRATULATIONS but then it was followed by "You have 72 hours to get a drug screening test. This website records the time you opened the link." Of course I don't use illegal drugs (although I'll admit to adding the extra 1/1occ of progesterone every now and again...), so no biggie. Except I had to complete this form, and they need a whole background check as well. After I filled out the form, they said they would email me the drug-screen order form within 24 business hours. Look, this was on a Friday night. 72 hours is not 72 business hours. I have to get this test by Monday at 5pm. And they still haven't emailed me the form. Which is annoying. And Monday is my beta day, too. I have a feeling I will be calling the school on Monday morning.

I also might need to discuss the background check with them. They wanted all my addresses for the past 7 years. Their drop-down menu only had the United States as a country. I lived in central Africa from 2003-2005. So...yeah. I don't imagine they'll send out scouts or whatever it is they do, but I was unable to include that address and don't want to lie-by-omission to them. Not that I did anything illegal, but still.

And finally, applications for scholarships and financial aid are due April 1. Which is rather soon.

So there we have it: one major accomplishment that has a few complications with it as well.

Second major accomplishment: last night I had sex. Look, my RE said, in front of my husband, that sex was fine 48 hours after transfer. My Mayo clinic guide says it's fine all the time unless I have placenta previa or other conditions (in which case I should follow my doctor's advice). But I was very, very scared. And also, frankly, really pissed off that infertility was still controlling my sex life. I mean, for god's sake, I'm pregnant! Time to move on. (Although I don't think I'll ever "move on" from infertility, which is a subject for another post.)

My husband has been very understanding. We haven't had sex since the night before transfer (so 16 days, for those of you playing at home). Which is very unusual for us. We've done "other things", but I haven't orgasmed and frankly haven't felt all that intimate either.

So yeah, we did "it" last night. And no, I didn't orgasm (still too scared of shaking that little passenger (passengers?) loose). And honestly, no, I didn't really enjoy it. Because I was still very scared. But when we were done, I immediately checked and: no spotting. And this morning, still no spotting. I think we are in the clear and can go about having sex like normal married couples do in early pregnancy.

(Especially since I'm only 2 days "late". I mean hell, most married couples probably wouldn't even know they were pregnant yet. I am under the impression that normal people don't test until they are about a week late. I might be wrong, but still. And plus, it's not like HPTs have been around forever, or are even available in most parts of the world. So, yeah.)

So major accomplishment number two: saying fuck you to infertility and taking steps to reclaim my sex life.

Major accomplishment number three: Not stabbing all the fertiles in the face. Look, I joined my due date board on Fertility Friend. And all these fertiles are getting betas!!! WTF??? I'd never even heard of betas before entering the land if IF! So it makes me mad that they're all getting 2-3, whereas I, someone who actually did ART, only get the lousy one. I am taking a bit of a break from that board, because, although there are a few IFers, most are not, and they make me mad. And then I get mad at myself for being mad at them, because it's not like they're the reason I only get one beta or that I was infertile to begin with. I also went to a garage sale that had baby stuff and had to listen to a bunch of mommies talking about their 6 children blah blah. Wanted to punch them all too. I didn't, though, because I have self control.

So there's my third accomplishment: still being bitter but not acting on it.

I hope you're all doing well.