4w0d: Pretty Sure I Didn't Imagine That

Ok, so, as thrilled as I am about this pregnancy, I still can't entirely believe it's happening to me. It feels like one big game of let's-pretend: Let's pretend I'm pregnant!! And I have positive home pregnancy tests! And we can talk about names and diapers! I walk around saying "I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant" under my breath.

When I'm home, I say it aloud. To my husband, to our cats, to myself. I'm obnoxious. I know it. It happens everywhere--last night my brother and his (awesome) girlfriend came over to watch the Jazz game. Within two minutes, I spilled the news. I couldn't help it! And then, we got into a random conversation about small-market teams and how much bigger is Denver than SLC and such. We had to go google the population of both Salt Lake proper and the Salt Lake Valley. "1.7 million in the valley," says my husband. "1.7 million and one," I correct, gleefully. "Or two!" chimes in the awesome girlfriend.

Boarders is going out of business, so I had my husband pick up a baby-name book. If anything feels pretend, it's having serious conversations about names for an unknown number of children, complete with my husband's suggestions of "Darth Conan" and "Ragnar" and such. Because we can only do serious for so long.

And yes, my beloved Mayo guide. "This week, your baby..." My baby? Y'all, my baby (or babies!) is smaller than a grain of rice. "Actual size" pictures aren't even there for 4 weeks, but since I'm, like, technically starting my 5th week, there it is: actual size is tiny.

But really, let's be honest: when I was first trying to conceive, I thought I was pregnant all the time. I spent my first 3 2ww convinced of it. I thought of baby names, on the embarrassing occasion admittedly addressed my belly, made food choices and such all based around Baby. And guess what? No baby.

This time is different, right? I mean, the lines are there and are darkening. Except today's wasn't any darker than yesterday's, so I had a few (completely irrational: why yes, I know HPTs aren't exactly quantitative hard science about how wonderfully the pregnancy is or is not progressing) moments of freaking out.

But only a few.

Because then, honest to god:

I puked.

Now, for the past 3 days, I've been feeling kind of queasy. But I was pretty sure I was making it up, just like I (and/or my 1cc of PIO) am making up the sore boobs. The vivid dreams I can attribute to the estrogen and/or my heightened emotional state. (Everything makes me smile. My god, just a week ago I would have stabbed my own cheerful self in the smug stupid face because life ain't that grand, bitch.) And that's about all I've got, aside from increased thirst (easily imagined, I drink all the time anyway) and increased urination (explained by increased drinking and/or the fact that, even at work when I'm not even close to a Wondfo, I still think "this pee would give me two lines! Neato!").

But yeah, pretty sure my puking wasn't imagined.

Especially not the second time.

Or the third time, at work.

Or the forth time, at work, again, when it was suggested I go home.

My trusty Mayo guide says this is fine, as long as I can drink and eat between bouts of vomiting. Which I can. And I'm not really puking that much, just enough to...not feel better at all, actually.

It's the coolest fucking thing ever. I have morning sickness!!! Me!

I don't get how lines that still aren't darker than the control can cause it so early (my mom, and why yes I called her, says she began at "probably 6-7 weeks, but we didn't really know how far along we were back in my day". It seems like 5-7 is average (so says Mayo), but here I am, puking at 4 weeks exactly. And I'm pretty sure it's nothing I ate or drank, because of how I felt the past two days and how I don't actually feel sick, just...queasy. And it comes and goes, and eating a handful of cereal seems to help. And...stuff.

God, I cannot wait for my beta! I am so excited!!