I think I might be expected to throw my older sister a baby shower. (Of course, she is still waiting to, in her own words, "find out if the baby is retarded" so...ugh.) She has dropped a few hints. And she doesn't have any friends who live in our state. So it's either me, our step-sister, our sister-in-law, or one of my mom's friends. Sounds like me, right? She's due at the end of May, so I would probably be doing this some time in April.
I don't know if I'll be up for that. And more to the point--what would I do with my babies? Can one be a hostess and a mother of 2-month-old (about) twins at the same time? It sounds like a monumental pain in the ass, frankly.
Add to that the fact that I'm starting to doubt that I'll have a shower of my own. And on one hand, I'm totally fine with that. I kinda hate baby showers (and wedding showers too--I was bullied into mine). So if it's a no, it's a no, but that would leave me slightly grumpy at having to hostess one (with the unspoken undertone of "for someone who only wants a certain type of child and didn't even have to work hard for her pregnancy and by the way, when I chose to share my Doppler with her at Thanksgiving and showed her how to use it, commented on my stretch marks, which come on.") I would also just like to know for certain, so that I can both tell people who keep asking, and also stop feeling pressure to not buy the cheap stuff "so that all the cousins can". Which is a very petty complaint, I know. But I was directly instructed by my OB to do all my Christmas and baby shopping on-line or to have others do it for me, and I have a very strong desire to fill my house with mobiles and rattles and onesies.
I had several people offer to throw me a shower. I said yes to two: one is my oldest friend, who has a toddler of her own. She asked me back when I very first started IVF, well over a year ago. She was quite insistent. She asked me, when I told her they were boys, if we had a "theme" in mind. I laughed, because no, no theme. We'd already discussed my discomfort with the whole idea and she'd promised to keep things simple. I was expecting to fight with her over our differing ideas of simple. But she hasn't mentioned it a single time since. I'm thinking she may have changed her mind, decided I was too flippant or ungrateful, that if I didn't want one she wouldn't bother, because really, she's a working mom herself and it's the holidays. Which is totally, totally fair. I just wish I knew, and don't know how to ask.
The other is a friend of my mom's. She has these 2 extremely close friends, who would probably be co-godmothers if we were Catholic or whatever. I had both of them officiate at my wedding (and it was awesome). One of them threw my bridal shower. The other called dibs on the baby shower. She reinforced her claim several months ago...but again, I haven't heard anything. At Thanksgiving, my older sister flat-out asked if I was having a shower and I replied that I really did not know. My mom got very offended and said, "{Friend} is throwing you one. Things are jsut complicated with {real life stuff}. She'll probably do it in January."
Which would be fine, except...my mother was at my last OB appointment (since I couldn't drive myself). She heard my OB explaining that I would almost certainly be induced early based on Atticus's growth. I have already explained to my mom that the latest I could deliver is not my magic March 4th, but rather Feb 19th...and that most twin pregnancies go at closer to 36 weeks, which puts me at Feb 4th. And given the news I keep getting, I think I will be extremely lucky to make it that far.
I reminded my mom of that and said, "Maybe we should have a meet-the-babies party instead." She got very upset because it'll be cold/flu season, so that's an awful idea. I was like, "Well, I don't know what to say then, hopefully I'll have some answers on Atticus soon." And my mom said, "I still think you could wait till mid-January. These doctors are quacks. And {Friend} is planning on throwing it."
Well...ok, whatever. Assuming I don't go into spontaneous pre-term labor, I'm going to base my decision on induction on the opinions of my doctors, and not around a potential baby shower date.
So, I dunno. I guess I'll just play the whole thing by ear--maybe I'll have showers, maybe I won't. Maybe I'll throw my sister one, or you know, maybe not.
8 comments:
When my twins were only a couple of months old I was lucky if I got out of my bathrobe. Hosting a baby shower is a pretty big commitment.
I hate showers. I didn't have a bridal shower. My mom threw me a shower that was actually my birthday party w added baby gifts. My co workers were incredibly nice and threw me a surprise shower at one of their houses, and my next door neighbor and friend threw a neighborhood party.
With the holidays coming up, perhaps your mom and friend could get together and do a holiday get together/shower for you? Something less shower-y but where friends and relatives can still give you items you've registered for without themes, games, and crap?
Um, how can I say this delicately? Under no circumstances should you volunteer to throw a baby shower for your sister. Period.
There's a high chance you you will be put on bed rest.
That said, I think you should welcome someone throwing one for you... for the babies! If you keep in mind that it's all about the babies it might be more palatable. Make sure to insist on "no themes or silly sniff the diaper games or horror stories" just a party with food, drinks.
Enjoy!
Not sure you're asking for advice, but I think you should let your mother's friend throw you a shower if she wants to--just skip the dorky games--and I definitely think you should NOT host your sister's shower. You are going to be far too busy and sleep-deprived, even putting everything else aside.
Just my $.02.
I know it's not considered the norm over there, but I live in England and hosted my own baby shower - could you not do that? I had all the people I wanted, on the date I wanted and did all the food, games etc, just how I wanted, so no pressure, just fun!
I also think it is pretty optimistic to even think about hosting a shower for your sister so soon after your babies come. I had just the one baby and spent a lot of the first weeks in my pj's too.It's such a crazy time that you will probably just want to concentrate on your little family. I would have found it hard work to be a GUEST at a baby shower so soon postpartum, let alone a host!
I'd say you have a very good excuse to not host it for her. Let someone else take care of it!
I agree with the above commentors, I would tell your sister that you are very disappointed but will be unable to host her baby shower and I would not worry about your own shower. I was on bedrest and my friend moved the shower from her house to my house right before my scheduled c-section. You get a free pass when it comes to worrying about this crap, you have enough on your plate. Thems who love you will understand.
Ummm....yeah, skip planning your sister's shower. But, be upfront and let her know now that you won't be hostessing it so that she can make plans for someone else to do it and doesn't have expectations of you. Tell her the timing is just bad and that your time will be devoted to your newborns during that time. I'm sure she'll be disappointed but will understand.
I'm in the same boat with the weird timing of my own shower. I could deliver really anytime in February.....so that month was out. January seemed too close to delivery....especially since I'll be HUGE and could potentially be on bed rest. December was really the only option, but is always devoted to Christmas, so we just decided to do it this coming weekend. I'm only 26 weeks, which is early, but it felt better to do it early than wait till January. I was glad my friend understood that and didn't think it was weird that I wanted to do it early.
We did shower-throwing with our kid when he was just a few months old, but 1.) he was a ridiculously easy baby 2.) he had two parents with the summer off and 3.) they were low-key informal sorts of events (e.g. assemble Ikea furniture was a shower event) and most importantly 4.) there was only one of him.
Also, we WANTED to do it, rather than doing it out of a feeling of obligation, and that consent is the magic ingredient.
So, I think you could volunteer to HELP someone throw a shower, with the understanding that you can do things now while you are on the bedrest, like design invitations and put together games and do things that can be done far in advance.
As for the shower date in January - express a wish for it to be earlier rather than later in January, and then if the babies come early, then the shower will have to be cancelled or postponed into a meet-the-babies party sometime post-due date (say end of March or early April), which incidentally is towards the end of cold/flu season at least in many parts of the country. And even if earlier, I think you would be within your rights to ask that your guests not come if they are even a bit sick, and wash hands before baby touching. We managed to keep RJ from getting a cold/flu when half the people living with him have been sick for the month since he came home, with a steady influx of visitors... and your guests are even old enough to be able to cover their cough/sneezes.
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