Sunday, February 27, 2011

4dp5dt: Shadow of a Doubt

I have a shadow. I am not making it up. What I'm not certain of, is if it has enough color to be a line or if it is one of those "evaps" everyone talks about (which I have never seen).

I am not calling myself pregnant. I am not allowing myself to think that I might be pregnant. What I am doing, is being hopeful. I went into this FET thinking, pretty much, "whatever, I have to frozens so I may as well use them, then we'll try another fresh at a different clinic." I have not been excited, except for a few hours after hearing that both our embryos survived the thaw. (And, while waiting for the call, I actually cried a little, just because I want to be pregnant so very much and had such little hope for this cycle.) And after my have-to-pee transfer coupled with one of them being less than lovely (please forgive me for thinking that, dear embryo), I went back to just...not excited. Not distraught, but not happy at all.

Now, I am feeling some excitement. I am not allowing myself to daydream like I did last cycle, but I am entertaining thoughts of "maybe, just maybe". I do not want to set myself up for a fall. But...I'm climbing a little bit closer to hope.

6 comments:

Bird said...

ok...you be cautiously optomistic and i'll do the "yes! A faint line!!!" dance in your honor. ok? i think thats a good arrangement.

Sarah said...

A line is a line :) HOPING really hard for you :)

Lulu said...

: ) can't wait to see how the next few days turn out!

Krista said...

Sounds like you are heading in the right direction.....wooooohooooo!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Oh fingers crossed it's not a stupid evap line!

Adele said...

This is great news and I have everything crossed for you. Line, here is your task: darken!