1dp5dt: How I Peed On the Table

First, the good news: We successfully transferred 2 hatching blasts. They were our 5AAs. I did not get a new grade for them. One of them looked rather squashed. The embryologist explained that, as they draw the water out and wash it with the antifreeze stuff (I assume it's not the same as what's in my car...), the blastocysts can collapse a bit. But it was in the process of re-expanding and doing well. He said it was still "perfect". I guess I'll trust him. The other one looked pretty much the same as the first picture.

We only have a hard copy of the picture this time, not a digital one, so I can't post it. But they looked pretty fetching, if I do say.

Now, for the rest of it: We have instructions to arrive with a "filling bladder" half an hour before the scheduled transfer, to sign the final consent and take some Valium and such. My transfer was scheduled for 2pm. I went about my normal, perfectly hydrated day. I peed right before leaving for the clinic, which is about 20 minutes away. I then drank half a liter of water in the car. We get there, sign the consents, all is well. I can feel my bladder filling. We go change (my husband took the afternoon off as well), me into my little robe, booties, and hairnet, and him into a yellow jacket thingy, booties, and hairnet. We're led into the OR, and the tech puts me on the table and does a bladder check ultrasound.

I am perfect!

She leaves. 5 minutes later, she is back. The doctor, she explains, is running behind. Would I like to empty my bladder?

"How behind?" I ask. "Because if it's like 15 minutes, I'm good. If it's like 45 minutes, then I'm not good."

She goes to check. The embryologist comes in. I tell him he is "my favorite". He tells me all about my blasts. I am high on Valium and keep saying, "But it's squashed. I know you're the doctor but are you sure it's still good?" I also tell him I'm so sorry for his country. He has what I think is a New Zealand accent. It might be Australian though, but he just says thanks and that his family are all ok. I tell him I want a family. He says he knows and it looks good but he can't make promises. He ducks through the lab door and proceeds to tell everyone I am bat-shit insane.

The MA comes back "About half an hour," she says. "I think you should empty." So I do.

I hop back on the table, and she brings me two cups of water. They're not huge, probably 10-12 oz each. I down them. She brings another. Down the hatch it goes. She does a bladder check. It's been maybe 15 minutes, and surprise, while I am filling, I am not yet full. So...2 12oz cans of apple juice. And THEN, 1 12-oz can of lemonade AND another 12-oz can of fruit punch.

Oh my god. I don't like sugary drinks. (Except margaritas, of course.) Plus...that is a lot of liquid to drink in about half an hour. I tell the MA that I think we should replace my blood with hot chocolate. This way, the embryos would think how nice and warm it is compared to the liquid nitrogen and want to stick around. And I could stop drinking. She tells my husband he's got a lovely wife. I think this is some sort of code.

I remind my husband that he "has to be the clown since we didn't hire one". And so on.

At 2:55 (I know, because the RE asked the time), he's done with his procedure and in my room. He apologizes for running late. My husband is pretty pissed off by this point. I really have to piss by this point.

And yes, the bladder is full. Superfull. We do the transfer and I am dying. I have to pee so incredibly badly that I have a hard time paying attention to the embryos in the dish (shown on the TV screen, like last time). Magical, beautiful, BLAH BLAH GET THEM INSIDE ME ALREADY I HAVE TO PEE. I am clenching my pelvic floor muscles so hard to prevent an accident. When the embryologist is checking to make sure the embryos cleared the tube, I actually dislodge the speculum.

True story.

Dr. B decides he'd better cath my bladder. Thank the sweet lord. I am not even ashamed to be peeing on the table right in front of my husband, the doctor, and the MA.

And I had to pee again after my table rest time. And then I nearly wet myself on the drive home. And then again every half hour until about 8pm. Sweet jesus, I am never drinking anything they give me again.

But my embryos are safe and sound inside me. I assume. Unless I peed them out too.